
“My way or the highway”, “Take it or leave it”, “I did it my way” — there are several songs and mantras the world tells us to embrace. Empowering you to create your perfect life in your own way. To anyone who is a control freak, it’s an easy pitfall to fall in.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts,” Isaiah 55:9
This verse is used to give people encouragement, reminding us the Lord will work for good in our lives. I, on the other hand, am scared to death of that verse. For me, it’s like that scripture threatens my hopes, dreams, and expectations.
Expectations can be dangerous. It takes our eyes off of God and onto ourselves. It limits our mindset to earthly perimeters, forgetting how big our God is.
To quote my very wise mother, “the word expectation is the worst word in the English language. When it doesn’t manifest the way we want, we are disappointed and upset and probably missed a blessing in the process.”
Holding firm to our expectations is a dangerous path. It’s filled with pitfalls that keep us from worshipping and thanking our God for what He is doing.
Pitfall #1: Fairytale syndrome
I grew up picturing what my future would hold. I would marry my prince charming right out of college, becoming that “perfect” couple. We would start a family. We would have that “perfect” home for bible studies, filling our home with laughter and the Lord.
Ha, not even close to reality! None of those things took place in my timeline. Now older, and only by God’s grace wiser, I am relieved the Lord saved me from my “fairytale” mindset.
You can make plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail. Proverbs 19:21
Hindsight is 20/20. If my expectations panned out, I would have missed many needed lessons and blessings. As I sit next to my husband, I realize if “my way” happened, we never would have met, and I would not be able to handle some of the obstacles we are now faced with. More on that in a bit.
Pitfall #2: Forgetting His Kingdom
Scripture tells us to put away our earthly desires and focus on His Kingdom. Concentrating only on our expectations takes away our purpose as Christ-followers.
“Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
Expectations can lead to selfishness. If we focus only on us, we forget to tend, love and care for those the Lord puts in our path. We ignore His callings if it doesn’t line up with our desires.
Scripture reveals God-fearing men and women who allowed their expectations to rule over His callings. Jonah comes to mind. He ignored God’s calling to go to Nineveh. It didn’t line up with his thoughts on where to go, fearing what could happen. He ignored it for as long as he could until God used a whale to intervene. I don’t know about you, but I pray my stubbornness never gets to the point I am swallowed by a whale.
When we limit our lives to our expectations, we will always miss God’s bigger picture. We say “Use me Lord,” but do we mean it? Are we afraid to let go of our expectations for His glory? Better yet, do we trust the Lord enough to give him our expectations? Are you so “in control” you don’t know how to let go?
Pitfall #3: Forgetting His Power
Letting go is not easy. This is hard to admit, but sometimes I don’t trust the Lord. It brings tears to my eyes to even type that sentence. I fear handing over my expectations will mean they will never come to fruition. I am afraid He will bless everyone else with my desires—but skip over me.
Does anyone else have that same fear? It's a fear that grows with every “fairytale” disappointment.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
He does have a plan for our lives, but it might not be the same course as you mapped out.
One of my deepest desires has always been to be a wife and a mom. Now that I’m a wife, the “mom” part is still in progress. Due to circumstances, my husband and I have to undergo fertility treatments to have a child.
If you have never battled infertility, let me tell you, it is HARD, EXHAUSTING, and EMOTIONAL. The tears I have cried are countless.
I cry out to God, “Why? You didn’t bring me to my husband until later in life? Where did I go wrong? Why are you doing this to me?”
When we started this process, I sought His Truth. As you flip through His pages, you quickly realize He helped every famous woman of the Bible through infertility fears.
“By faith Abraham, even though he was past age — and Sarah herself was barren — was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who made the promise.” Hebrews 11:11-12
“Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife because she was childless. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.” Genesis 25:21
“And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:36-37
These women watched others receive the blessings of a child. I can see the painful tears they shed; begging and pleading with God to grant them the same blessing month after month, year after year.
But, WITH. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE God was faithful. It wasn’t how they expected or planned. But, it was for God’s glory. Don’t forget, when Sarah tried to control the issue herself, a lot of heartache and problems ensued.
As I wait for the door to open, I catch myself pulling a “Sarah” and try to control what I can. My very wise mom had to remind me, “Let Him be Him”.
Let the Lord do His thing! Let Him reveal His blessings in your life. If we look through scripture, the Lord loves to show his power despite our weakness.
“The Lord said to Gideon, You have too many people on your side. If I were to hand Midian over to them, the Israelites might claim credit for themselves rather than for me, thinking, We saved ourselves” Judges 7:2
Defeating the Pitfalls
Our God is mighty. Our God is powerful. When we allow our expectations to rule, we limit what God can do. We shrink His abilities and rely only on ours.
So how do we move forward? We pray daily for the Lord to remove our expectations and fill us with His expectations. Don’t fear losing your desires. He placed them in your heart!
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart,” Psalm 37:4
“May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans,” Psalm 20:4
Releasing our expectations can be rewarding and relaxing. It opens the door for God to shine in our lives. He knows the big picture, we don’t. Plus, the Lord may use your disappointing expectations to help others see His glory.
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