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Filling the Empty

Writer's picture: Candi LasterCandi Laster

Updated: Jun 14, 2020




Dreams fuel us. We grew up dreaming of our future and continue dreaming well into our adulthood. Dreams get us up out of bed every day and power us to keep going even when we feel empty. But what happens when the "empty" overpowers the dream.


The fuel is gone, and you are on "E". Do you know the feeling? It's like getting hit with this "empty" bullet, and it shatters more than just your heart. It shatters your joy, your hope, and many times, your dreams.


Realizing your dreams might never come true can alter our faith and walk with the Lord if we let it. There are tears and questions of why. At some point, we have to move from being mad at the Lord.


The Lord blessed women with the opportunity to enjoy pregnancy. From the morning sickness to the eating-for-two, there are beautiful things a woman experiences while life is taking shape inside her womb. But what if the woman's womb remains empty?


I am very blessed to be married to a wonderful man. But building our family is not easy. We knew from the start there would be hurdles, so within just a couple of months of saying "I do" we sought help.


If you ever go to a fertility doctor, understand it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster.


The fertility doctor went over the process. They pull from him, pull from me, and bing bang boom, I have a 72% chance of being pregnant.


Great! Sign us up! Let's get this baby-making process started. I happily went to the lab to get my first round of blood work. Then, the first empty bullet hit.


I could hear it in the nurses' voice before she even said the test results. The results showed I don't have a lot of eggs, and as she put it to me, "this isn't a good thing when you want to do IVF."


After the "empty" wave washed over me, another feeling took over, helplessness. If you think about it, the two go hand in hand. When you battle infertility, those two words seem to dominate your life. You are helpless as you anxiously await test results. Then empty once the results dash your dream, again.


Life will always fire bullets that empties our joy, our hope, and our dreams. It's what we choose to do after we are wounded that will determine how we will heal.


Helpless. Empty. Two words everyone experiences. Those "low note" moments that take the joy of our song. So, now what? How do we find joy and bring harmony back to our lives?


You turn to the ONE thing that is not empty. The ONE thing that not only knows the desire burning in your heart but also placed that desire in your heart. You grab tight to the rope of TRUTH.


Scripture. Drink it up until that empty feeling is gone.


"For this is what the Lord says— he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited— he says: "I am the Lord, and there is no other." Isaiah 45:18


The only way to attack against the "empty" is to fill it with the one everlasting thing. The words of our Maker. The One who created me as the woman I am. The One who acknowledged infertility throughout Scripture.


"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 113:9


"By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise." Hebrews 11:11-12


"Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant." Genesis 25:21


"And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:36-37


Infertility is a common theme for many women in the bible. Elizabeth, Rebekkah, Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, all dealt with the aches of not getting pregnant. Close your eyes. Can you see the smile they pasted on their face after hearing ANOTHER woman in the village was pregnant, before running to their hut to cry? Now, women can sob on the couch while clicking the "like" button on those perfect Pinterest-like photos of "We're expecting" on Facebook.


However, with every single one of those women we read about in the bible, God was faithful. It wasn't how they planned it, but c'mon, with the Lord, "his plans are greater than ours". And that, my dear friend, is what we tend to forget. It's not our story, it's not for our glory, but His. No fertility doctor on this planet can compete with the One who created life with just a breath.


As my husband and I continue down this infertility road, the Lord is showing us that I need to adopt his dreams for us, not mine. Giving up control is not easy. However, as a child of God, he calls on us to adopt His way of thinking and leave behind our way of thinking.


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6


Adopting his dreams for us, instead of my own. It's scary to let go of your dreams, but when you release your fist and take hold of God's hands, we know we can walk in peace as he leads us down His road for our lives.

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